First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
