pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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