He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
