It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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