My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
pop tarts are not kleenex
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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