I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
