I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
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