16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
