my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
