I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
