You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I smell like Dick and happiness
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
