she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
