really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
