No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
