So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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