Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
