Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
