Heybabeimwearingurpanties
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
