i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
