HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
