whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
