We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
