Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
