You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
