He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize