end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
