see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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