I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm like, not good at living.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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