We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
