so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
