So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm passing your future prison.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize