We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
