4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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