I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
