Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
