The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
