I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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