be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
