I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
