My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize