Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
