and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
