We're like a lot better than the average bears
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
