Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
