I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
