Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
