and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Sext me about skeletons
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
