i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
