I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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