I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
be right there i have to get my cape
Randomize