..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
