The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
