Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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