we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
