I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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