I hope mine doesn't look like that
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
