Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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