There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
