Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize