She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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