white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
