I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
