Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
They have beer where we have blood.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
