Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
