Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
