Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
