apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
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