Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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