hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
