there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
