Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
vagina is talking i cant
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
