Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize