I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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