my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
