I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
