so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
