a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
