Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
