Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
