So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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