I smell stomach acid.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
