it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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