theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize