so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
