I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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