I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
