dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
