the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize