Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
