I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
