I love black thongs
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
someone owes me an orgasm
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
