Im at strip club and am horny
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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