I wanna passion pit in your ass
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
